i heard it again, those dreaded words.
her words, “you have to be stronger than this!”, was tainted with an oddly familiar sense of disagreement and resentment. it came when tears rolled down my face. i was just relating to her how much difficulties i’ve been facing with the Board.
i went through the roof while trying to stay calm- i punched the walls many times with a fistful of anger after leaving the premises. how many times do people want to tell me that i have to be more, only presuming that i have been less all the while? and so how many times do people want to murder me by implying that my situation (and hence a reaction to it by crying) is caused by my “weakness”? it’s a double whammy because people want to believe that my situation is caused by my “weakness”, and so is my emotional reaction too!
to the the abominable people who give me such “unsolicited advice”, you don’t know what i’ve gone through to stand before you. you don’t know the storms i’ve weathered, nor the dark abyss i’ve clawed out of. you don’t know the pain and the darkness that wholly consumes me, while i hold on with hope so fragile, to fight for that glimmer of light to show through. you just don’t understand.
you don’t get to trip me over, and then mock at me for not being “strong” or “tough” enough to pick myself up while I’m hurt. i’m allowed to weep and cry because of the pain, the loss, and the grief that i experience, without being put down for it.
people keep telling me that i need to be “stronger” and “tougher”. but they do know that there is strength in falling?