Providence 

it’s been a crazy week- it was one which i could not see myself getting through when the week first started. the dysphoria i experienced shackled me in chains and threatened to pull me under. i flailed my arms and thrashed them around wildly. i was going under, and there was nothing to stop it from happening.

the outpouring of support in the midst of my despair, both online and in person, was something that lifted me up, and it’s also something that i am grateful for. i don’t think i could have lived past this week as safely as i did.

more than ever, His providence was more than i deserved. those waters i was sinking in became the waters in which He worked his graces and blessings. i don’t know what pushed me to pray when anxiety set in at every living and breathing moment, but praying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy every morning as i start my day, though seemingly a mere routine, became my refuge. i grew increasingly aware time and again that we walk by faith and not by sight. 

when i could walk no further, it is You who takes up my cross, holds my hand and tells me, “come follow me”. i fall on my knees at Your unfailing love, Your abounding grace, and Your divine mercy. i don’t know what i’ve done to merit this grace, but i know You never fail.

looking at matters, i know i will trip and fall again (and again). but i know also that when i do, He’ll stretch out His hand and tell me “it’s ok”.

 

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