going, going…

it’s that time again. i have been in the dark abyss for far too long. i truly am no longer safe.

i’ve tried. i really have. it is never my wish to be inpatient. it’s a terrible place to be in. and i never fail to feel like a failure succumbing to institutionalisation. but i have learnt that choosing to be helped is strength itself. choosing to fight to live another day, and many more to come, is courage. i’ve been on the brink of giving up, of dying, so many times. surely i can get through this again?

God gives me grace. but my flesh fails. and the depressed and suicidal mind is ominously strong. i can’t fight it myself. 

it’s time to surrender, to say “yes, i need help”. it’s especially time to take courage in the Lord, and accept that i can’t do it alone. it has to end here, at least with this escalation. 

let go, and let God, Steph. fight to live.


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